as my one friend said it today in a picture comment…..

“you’re my hero! if everyone lived like you people wouldnt be so uptight”

……he’s right.

never mind the fact i drove from cleveland - columbus - nashville - denton - austin - memphis (slept in a rest stop outside the city) - nashville - cleveland - buffalo - cleveland in the span of 10 days all because i wanted to see a few bands. never mind that i logged over 50 hours driving over 3000mi round trip. but what people miss is that the enjoyment comes from doing things like this and not only finding new faces and new notes, but new sights and new levels of existance that you can only find when you are out there. im always asked if its because i have money, i tell them no. im always asked why. i tell them because i cant stand being stationary and sitting in a place i refuse to call home and that i can be doing something better with my time than working and resting in the ground face down like so many others. until my demise, i am going to be married to the road and always finding something new, be it geographically or in myself, because i cant stand in one place very long. i dont have any limits, why should anyone? being a vagrant, a disease rogue is all i know at this point. i dont want to catch anyones illness that will hinder me from seeing the things i want and need to see.

what keeps me alive is the music, but the fact that i am always looking for something. punk has always been that way to me. never settling for whats in front of me and to keep searching. not just records, but in everything. and i found a lot this recent trip even with the sense of incompleteness that i have in some regards. i do these things because this is where i am at my best and i am able to understand how people work. even gaining new knowledge i still take time to understand myself and what needs to be fixed in myself. im not going to stand in one place while everyone else in the world moves around me. im going to keep moving because my feet and my soul are never going to rest until i can go home for good. im closer, but im still far away from that.

the hardest things to understand are the opposites. i enjoy the challenge. the only downside is it leaves me feeling inadequate sometimes and that i do the wrong things. but ive come to understand its not all my fault and that some arent used to a person like me who is freelance and able to be committed at the same time. i cant help the person i am or change anything. even the vagrants have hearts and watch over people from far and near. full of love, and no one to share it with. i thought i had someone but they are just as locked in solidarity as i am. all i can do for them is watch from afar and make sure theyre ok because it feels like they need me on a level they may not understand. ive seen this happen before, it will always happen.

and that is what i learned in 2011 so far being back where i truly belong.

nowhere.