the easiest way to win this man and silence is mind is a pan of brownies.
its not your eyes that tell all those lies and your vanilla scented hair.
but just a pan of brownies made from a box.
he's a simple creature with a simple plan and a plain jane need.
if you take care of him he will take care of you and thats all he wants to do.
he doesnt ask for much in the world when he is with you.
he wants to be with you no matter how lazy or platinum you can look
and he will enjoy every part of you no matter the day or how less you put on.
he may say all the wrong things that are right in his head
and he may say all the right things that are wrong in your head
but all you need to know is no matter how low and out of the league you are for him
he will put more than you know into you and never let you down
and all you need to do is win him over with a pan of brownies.

"It means everything," Browns do-it-all wide receiver Josh Cribbs said. "There are a lot of Steelers fans around the city so I hope people go to work and kick those Steelers fans."



=)

more than i think you know
youve put a mark on my soul i will always bear
the sirens voice you hear is what im starting to hear
i dont think thats a terrible thing
i look at that map, at the town where i first met you
thats all i need to smile and know the adventure was worth it
no, its not anything more than that.
i look at that map, and it makes me wish i never left.
i look at that map, and i know im coming back.

the adhesions in my thighs are coming back.
the scar tissue in my hips i cannot break.
i feel the nerves becoming impinged and restricting.
my feet are restless, skin on the heels cracking.
no bone in my body will fracture.
no muscle in my body will stop twitching.
where one traveller ends, another begins.



part 2........

and then there is you. so far away and yet so far away.
i never forget, and i certainly did forgive.
where i went my gravel road and you went your bone road.
such is the life of the people who are malcontent and ill fated living in their village
i never forgot you. youre still standing next to me even when im only walking to the corner.
i dont shut doors. you are welcome back when you want to be welcomed back.
did you descend and become the shadow in the doorway?
or did you stay in your room and never release the demons that gave you weight?
as long as you are the traveller by my side ive known, i have no bother.
time doesnt change for us. time will not wait for us.

nostalgia........

you'll find me as the time-bomb. As the last great stand in this history.
7 years ago, he was lost. then he was found. and for some reason through a better channel to express everything negative. where a boy was killed came the man that killed him. where he learned to say the things about him the right way even if they werent his own words. they saved him, shaped him, helped him grow. then came his war with love and a vengence that would soon become unstoppable. the man became a beast. 1 name. jane doe.

i search to show you just how far i broke from myself
5yrs ago at this time his eyes and my fists were closed. his badge was an open palm showing scars on the wrist, and his anthems were 2 minute songs with inaudible sentences and a vengence against any and all that went unmatched for many months. theres so much he can remember being at that time. and all he remembers is a cold snap and the dead weight of past ghosts lifted. all he rememberes is a never ending tempest that took many lives and broke many strong willed spirits. 3 words. you fail me.

hit the lights, just hit the lights. i dont care anymore.
and the test of time came with his heroes, they stayed unlike so many others after he killed the man he once was, became the beast, and returned the man he is. he didnt like what they did after the scars and the anthems. but he wont lie, the next story told didnt tell much of him. it still put those sparks of life in him. where one chapter ends, another begins. the story still spoke to him, but didnt hold the weight of the world he was in. the beast was resting, the man could live finally. the man could return and be him again. 2 words. no heroes.

today, his vengence qwelled. the beast rests. for now. those heroes come back again with a new story. they bring new sparks of life to the resting beast. they can awaking a sleeping beast. but only the beast can become the fear and absolute hatred of the people he struck those same traits into. the beast that was gorging on the suffering the man was given. the hatred the man turned into his fists and unleashed onto the world that scarred him so many years. the hatred, pain, and weight of the ghosts that the man turned into himself to become the beast.

that beast awoke a few months ago. a cold dish was brought to his nose. the beast knew what it was. he knew its taste. and he took to the dish with a slow intent of enjoying every morsel of it. the beast came back, and was later subdued by his own choice. the beast has been lying in wait. awake, but waiting. he grows each day waiting to strike, to become those broken hearts that the man swore he would defend, to ingest the weight the ghosts have placed on him like its another meal. he hears the song that was the battle horn, he knows the feeling he got then. its the same one he feels now.

the man never let go of the beast. still occasionally he would become the beast. while the man is realistic about the changes and the temperence he has learned. he knows that the beast can be killed. he knows the beast is wounded. but he knows the beast has rested long enough and will come back again. all it takes is time. the beast almost made a strike and something stopped it.

what does the next story tell? what will happen with the man who has the balance between himself and the beast? 3 words. axe to fall.

late nights
lewd rights
lost fights
lay man's kites

my doppledanger came to my attention.
it made me think of home.
oh i miss you home. i still drown in this jealous sea*.
i hate being away from you home.
but i cant return to you right now.
i can only go to home away from home right now.
puzzle pieces that never came with the box.
the picture is almost done dont worry.
soon and someday ill be with you
and your arms will never let me go.



* = thank you lou dax

domination. blood drain.
hunt. chase.
i want to do bad things to you.
i want to do bad things to you.
i want to do bad things to you.
i want to do bad things to you.
i want to do bad things to you.
i will do bad things to you.
i want reciprocation and provocation.
dont sit there. dont wait there.
that femoral is mine. that collar is mine.
i want to do bad things to you.
i dont want you sitting there if youre going to keep your legs crossed.
i want you crying blood. i want you giving me my fix.
dont you pass out. you look better crying conscious.
give me what i want.

when i put on the song "descent" by neurosis. there is a swell in my soul that comes alive and brings me to think of the greatest times in my life this year. that same song carries me to a place that i cant see myself ever leaving, calling me to come back and holding the bait above my head fully knowing they have something i want and need. i put that song on and i see a picture of a man in the doorway asking for peace and to be left alone with blood on his hands and his sword. i put that song on tonight, and i felt my fists close and my eyes widen and harden. i felt like that man in the doorway. i acknowledged the enlightenment and change that came with being a vagrant. i found peace. i lost my conduit between here and there. i molted from east to west completely. that was 5 months ago.

 "There is no one in this place but me, and I am waiting to give this
  jewel to the prudent captain who will leave me in peace."

its 5 months later from when i first came the wrong way. i am still the man in the doorway and far away from where my physical body is. no new blood on my hands, but i am moving farther and farther away.

leave me in peace. just dont leave me alone.

   He showed the ruby, glistening in the hollow of his hand like a great
  drop of blood.

time traveling.
retro styles.
revisiting.
reworking.
wondering.
waiting.
hoping.
wont make the same mistakes i made then.
working on control and not letting myself get so far ahead
i think ill be ok.
keep paddling.

electric sorcery will save my soul and send it to the 7th circle. sad thing is, the spellcaster has a high difficully of charm thats hard to resist. roll the d20, hope for the 20.

i am doing what i can to prevent.
but what youre putting out makes it so hard to resist.
i dont like where my head is going. you shouldnt either.
devastator.

reached a new low, reached a new level.
this is my finest art. and my filthiest pen ive ever rolled in.
swine and artist. loved and loathed.

DESCENT

i am restless as the winds that make the swell i lose myself in.
5am is only 2am to me, knowing i am only wide awake on california time
there is nothing endless here, nothing to remember, nothing sacred.
i want to stay distracted so i dont know where i am
so i dont time travel to a better place and forget that i have to come back
it will do me no good if i do any of that. and at this time last year, i forgot you. all of you.
sand carried me north and south, mother ocean east and west.
they let me forget and forgive for once.
for days i wasnt part of the human race, society, or the sadness you carry
thats all i have left to live for. one way or another.
i wont be part of your race, society, or sadness.

i need to calm my ass down on the women. scatterbrained and going insane.

i cannot be a cellar dweller.
i have to leave some things behind.
there is only so much i can bring along.
there is alot i want to bring along.
i cannot be a cellar dweller.
i have to forget some things behind.
there is only so much i can trust in care of people.
there is alot i can never leave in people's hands.
i cannot be a cellar dweller.
there is so much that i cannot put away.

im not sure if the bastard is speaking to me, or the gentleman is.
both of them came out today.
a gentleman, and a bastard.
this is what i am.

screaming to the songs i know that lets me know im not the only one alone in this world.
theyre stage demons and props to you, theyre friends and fellow banshees to me.
screaming to the songs i know that lets me know im not the only one alone in this world.
theres nothing better to me when that therapy hits me and puts it all away.

GET ME THE FUCKING KEYS.
GET ME THE FUCKING LOCK CUTTERS.
GET ME THE FUCKING WARDENS CLUB.
GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

there are very good reasons we dont have encounters.
the holes i put in my hands are because i wont touch you.
not because im putting myself up to save you.
im saving myself. im not doing it for anyone else.
follow me like a celebrity, fuck me like your other come and go.
wish i was able to put the needles in your eyes.
wish i was able to show you how terrible i truly am.
some of us are better trying to fuck you with broken glass covered taped fists.
stay far away from me.

before i go the long way home, the right way home. i will be visiting my mothers grave and telling her i am sorry for the person i have become. that its not her fault or anyone elses but mine. that i am everything she thought i wouldnt be. that i know she is proud of me and i am a better person than everyone she has met and anyone will ever meet. that i can go home after kissing my mother goodbye, after packing my bags, and that i start tour soon.

no more waiting.
no more wanting.
no more holding on.
you got one. you wont get another.
i can forget you just as i did before.
swine rake.

"Thinking will I live, another twenty-fo
I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop
Had to stop at a red light
Looking in my mirror not a jacker in sight
And everything is alright"
-ice cube

i know what ill be doing now that i know what youll be doing.
you can put it out on display and i still wont see it the way they do.
thats not how i see it, and its not what i saw from you.
thats not what i see, and their eyes will never be mine at all.

its the kind of night that i should be in murder city.
you inside my head knowing i sent you over the cliff.
i know what i said, i know what i did.
i cant help myself from being the protector.
its not a choice and its my second nature.
the switch is turning on and turning off
and its not the shields and swords.
you and i need to unglue for a bit i think.
im just lousy and uninspired by alot of people.
youre not lousy or uninspiring.

im good to you when its all going wrong for you
just remember youre good to me when its all going good
its was fair trade, now im starting to think its unfair
you are the reason why i dont sit on the teeter-totter
we cant keep ourselves on this merry-go-round
that swingset was empty when you left
if you wont come to that playground with me,
i wont chase down the ice cream truck just for us.

someday when youre interested, ill tell you everything thats happened.
from abandoning you then, to abandoning you now.
the hooded wraith holding the scythe covered in the farmers blood.
the haunting of my mind and soul for time in recent memory.
you hate what i do to you, i hate what you do to me.
the equilibrium of a failing fellowship.
you hate it when i leave you, i hate it when you leave me.
this time i will hold the scythe and walk you across the deadlands.
youll walk through the tempest holding the lantern at the doorway.
my black hood will be worn, my scythe will not be clean.
its you that will pass on and never transcend into the higher form.
from angel to reaper, chorus to the devils chord.
im on your shoulder and inside your ears telling you the haunting things.
my scythe will have your blood, my rotting hand will hold your head.

caught in the middle between the normal and the norm.
far enough away from ideal, close enough to convienent.
miles and minutes, man and woman.
exotic and all, too far away.
if i could have it my way, id change the minutes.
yet there are the ones close enough and far away.
the middle between the normal and the norm.

"when the time has come to say goodbye, look for me at the bottom of the sea where the deep will swallow and the cold will numb me, the current will carry me, caress and embrace me. hear the waves singing each to each, now this is the song they sing to me: 'Failures abandoned, obligations forsaken, lost loves forgotten, and in our lasting kiss-- sweet oblivion.' Hearts will never be practical until they are unbreakable."

-the power and the glory ("high winds and heavy seas")

finding my way home. slowly, but surely.
banging my head, blasting my ears.
everyone is on the line.
death to you if youre not on the left.
i only want you if you know me right.
im still a gentleman, a romantic, a killer.
my words are the only bitter taste your mouth finds.

trapped inland. mental and social.
ill fix this soon. i promise.

i can die here slowly in peace.
i cant die there so fast in destruction.
contrast kills.

one of you still dont understand after all these years.
you know me like your ghost.
you know me like your night terror.

one of you i am a disposable camera to.
good for 35. good for the time.
leave me to remember what youll only throw away.

sleep my nights away to neurosis
wake my days to the pig destroyer
thats the life i cycle in my home.

i dug my grave, i stepped in head first.
i forgot the circle. i forgot the loops we run in.
theres no darkness at the foot of the pit.
i swear im diving into the light.
i forgot you existed because im the one that fucked it up
i do this to everyone i feel for
i was too stupid to know i would go circle
im left at the grave diving in head first
its the best way i can get away from you
there is no darkness diving in
from the plague, from the love,
from the remains of the human race
there is no darkness diving in.
resurrection in 11 days.

another saturday night, fueled on redbull and false foods
wishing the girl i was stoked from far away on was there for the ride
starts with a bender, ends with a flash in the pan
from one circle of this hell to the other
spending cash, swilling beers, causing fears,
were not stopping til the blood fucking freezes in our veins
were poor ugly jaded mangly fucks from cleveland
and we dont care where we go or what we do
its another night without moderation, living as american as can be
getting fat and living the night in excess
living as american as can be, never giving a second thought
but its quite alright with me. i wouldnt want it any other way.
after the pan flash ill still drop out and stay away from the norm
i may blend in and play the part, but they dont know what really happens with me
just another bender on the board, life is one nonstop movie.

-chicago (mainly to hit the chicago diner and explore more and more)
-portland
-the golden state
-milwuakee(?)
-somewhere east

drifters sole/soul.

hate these chains i have to wear.
i get whipped by the master and never a chance to shake my chains.
i have to sit and take it like a good boy
i cant express my honest opinions and tell them i dont fucking care
that glass is part of the prison walls
i know where i work is nothing to hate at all
but its like every other fucking job
you walk in and sell your soul, lose yourself all for what?
make your money buy your booze, fuck your woman later dirty on the floor
this small ass town can burn to the ground
yuppie fucking assholes thinking they can talk down on a tower
i hold a trump card and a suicide card over all of them
i make or break more than theyll ever know
idiot jock cop waving a white paper like its a flag of surrender
i cant fucking stand the pigs in power
wearing that bronze badge of dishonor
not a fucking human just another animal in a uniform
de-evolved from a social scene thinking theyre more important over me
do me the favor and never have a family, any and all of you
i need the oxygen more and the gene pool needs to be strengthened
poke the hole in your condom and shoot your fucking blanks
that shopvac and hanger looks to be the better choice of a family
over your fucking leather seats and dolby stereo in SUV's
talking a big game and denouncing the work we do
fuck every single one of you were not your fucking babysitter
in my perfect world your throat would be under my foot
under the 4 feet of water and i could see you turn to bait
i cant fucking stand the place im in or the people im with
i cant look at a person without wanting to stop them from walking in
hoping they fall out and im there to watch them eat shit
i dont need your ideas of whats right and wrong
chances are youll never do what i do and you never fucking will
this city isnt even tragic, just melodramatic
short dick complexes and desperate soccer moms
idiot jock pinheads with hive mentalities, no backbone of their own
fuck the crossroads of northeast ohio east and west
postmark me the fuck out of here on the next boat out
i dont need to moderate anything i do
and from here on out this what i will say
fuck your mentalities and all of you crossing pro and person
wallets and khakis dont define who you are
once a missed abortion always a missed abortion
id rather know you were in the stomach and your carrier fell on the nails
this city isnt even tragic, just melodramatic
the crossroads need to be changed so that in becomes out.
far away from here where no one can come in.
my fucking tolerance is lower than ever
these prison walls are getting closer and closer
i cant stand without feeling the cold walls touch
no where to sleep and not a bucket to piss in
i can look out but no one looks in
fuck all the guards and pigs, im breaking the fuck out
you wont notice im gone and you wont catch me beyond the walls.

i hear nothing but their screams
its my own time that i hear anything audible
who am i to care when i stagger through time
i havent stopped to see anything along the way
a bunch of strangers and stranglers looking for empty windows
they get their joys. they find their pawns.
im still staggering finding nothing of my own interest.
sometimes i wish i could stop for something along the way.
weary traveller, drifters sole, drifters soul.
my feet will never stop having cracks in the skin.

6 dates.
6,000 souls,
60,000 lives
1 hellmouth
i will find, fuck, diablerize, devour, denounce, destroy, and kill you.

NO SAFETY.

ill walk that dangerous line. not knowing if im drawing myself to a trap or the real deal. hoping and longing for a touch, telling myself to just wait it out and not get ahead. staying on my course to get the things i want for now and future. there is a blur in my vision of farsight and nearsight. im having a hard time telling what is what, im in between the near and far. telling myself to stay down when i want to go up. im tired of feeling cold, but there is a fire in the igloo that is keeping me from the winter winning its war with me. the woman will keep me warm.

the sparks are shooting off again. the sparks are lighting fuses i cant stop from being lit. that old demon is coming back. that old man is coming back. my old friend destruction. my old friend adrenaline. my closest friend hatred. my old flatmate war. the human 4th horseman coming back alive and reversing time for old time's sake. those candles will burn slow, the candles that are lit by the sparks. those months i was cold, even the summer and sun didnt keep me warm. i transcend mortality, i shed this shell, i become a spectral juggernaut. all will fall. all will faulter. all become bone road.

my vision is blurred. my body is cold. my blood is magma and acid. my spectral self sleeps......for now. the hellmouth will open one more time.

i crush too easily.
ill get lost in those eyes.
ill get comfortable in that collar.
ill become soft when i will lie next to you.
ill get nervous just thinking of what to say.
i dont want to wear out my welcome.
i get to be a boy anytime i get that crush.
just circle yes when i give you the test.
its ok to be reminded of youthful innocence.

the dream i had of you
where you looked me in the eyes
told me what i didnt want to hear
the one where i drove hours just to see you
to know what was right and wrong for me
i only remember the good things that were happening
i dont know if im foreshadowing anything anymore
but i know i didnt like what was going on
i only remember smiling then and knowing i was there with you
i kept going back to sleep and wanting it to never end
knowing i was walking the rose streets with you
i only remember knowing i woke up
and this time i didnt feel ill or unwelcome
knowing this is the only time ive ever been so sure on something
i only remember that there is a first for everything
and you will never know what this is for me
this is always going to be difficult and im starting to lose control slowly
that other time we danced, the smell of sparks and "midnight, the stars, and you"
i hate looking down and seeing nothing there
im only safe when i dream. youre always there when i look down.