the longer i stay. the less of a person i feel i will be. the weird thing is i feel calm. but i know i am losing my soul here. everything and everyone feels absent and empty. when i said i would be part of the problem i didnt imagine this is how i would do it. now im wishing i was back home. now im wishing i was in that small office surrounded by the newer faces i met in recent months. now im wishing the drifter and scourge that is truly inside me would be released so i could let that consume me, like the monster than consumed me for the last 3 years.

i would rather be turned into scourge, scoundrel, rogue, and drifter over monster. but this rogue can find a balance between rogue and monster. the balance to terrorize in the lands and waters, still free to move and see the new land and conquer.

the west is calling. still calling. home is calling. the world is calling. i have to see it all.