i should feel happy that i made someone happy. im feeling let down and the total opposite. i cant find any reason why or any way to explain it. i feel like the worst person right now to someone that i should never feel this way towards. i should never feel anything negative about this person, and i do. im trying to put aside alot to rectify and make up for mistakes, and i cant do that right. i dont know what im doing right now. my eyes are closed and my ears are deaf. im just walking and waiting to feel something.

like minds find like minds. miles are nothing when people feel the same things and talk about the same things. like minds dont need to say much to understand the other on whats going on. like minds stay with like minds. much like disease cells band together. like minds are not diseased minds. like minds will talk with like minds and never find anything to trite, boring, underneath, or uninspiring. like minds seek like minds to remember why they are with like minds in the first place. like minds find like minds to be reminded why they are the way they are. i find nothing wrong with this.

nothing wrong abandoning lepers and self made martyrs who pursue hive minds and no individual minds for their own. lepers and martyrs become clones, become walking shells. thinking the way they think, above and beyond as borg. their order will have chaos. resist. destroy. no building. no foundation. no straight lines. no subdued minds. no shut off minds. no minds without thought.



you know who you are. like mind.

i want all the girls that live too far away.
too cute even for me to look at.
i am unworthy. oh well. it doesnt hurt to dream.

the longer i stay. the less of a person i feel i will be. the weird thing is i feel calm. but i know i am losing my soul here. everything and everyone feels absent and empty. when i said i would be part of the problem i didnt imagine this is how i would do it. now im wishing i was back home. now im wishing i was in that small office surrounded by the newer faces i met in recent months. now im wishing the drifter and scourge that is truly inside me would be released so i could let that consume me, like the monster than consumed me for the last 3 years.

i would rather be turned into scourge, scoundrel, rogue, and drifter over monster. but this rogue can find a balance between rogue and monster. the balance to terrorize in the lands and waters, still free to move and see the new land and conquer.

the west is calling. still calling. home is calling. the world is calling. i have to see it all.

im tearing out your pages i put in my book.
im tearing you out from the pages in my time.
i want to swim the botox seas and shallow reserves of L.A
i dont want to walk the peaks and valleys of helens.
too easy to take whats in front of you.
too difficult to tell apart a cobra from a mouse.
youll keep getting bit. youll keep getting your hot poison.
i was in front of you as the mouse.
your shitty future. your shitty lifestyle.
your faulty wires. your rotten nails in the walls.
i cant dance with you right now. i cant dance with you anymore tonight.
its just too tiring. and im feeling pretty lazy and the urge to call it a night.
my suit is dry and dirty and your dress soaked in the stout i bought you.
ill shake your hand and hug you for the later day.
the makeshift miles, makeshift mountains, i thought id be the endless hiker.
going your way. my thumb out to where you are.
pointing "thataway" for your next pickup.
the next hiker to use you for a meal and a bed.
sending on the next scourge that is man-cobra to strike and poison.
i wont be drawing out your poison. you always get bit on the legs.
being in between your legs wasnt really my thing anyways.
you always were getting the bite there anyways.