whatever the reason i am feeling every urge to do everything within my grasp of a girl, be it date them, fuck them, snuggle up, whatever....it needs to stop.

i had to hold myself back from getting that far ahead with someone i saw while out tonight and having general talk with her. i have no idea why my head starting shooting off the way it did and then being clouded with the idea of wanting to kiss her and go home with her (not to fuck). i wasnt having it. i had to leave. i cant see or have a conversation with a girl without wanting do cuddle up with them. not that it makes me a bad person, but its getting to be annoying. ive been all over the place with multiple girls this entire month trying to figure out what i want to do with them. and obviously, there is no real potential of anything there with any of them.

im aware the clock is ticking for me on a certain level. im aware that im wanting someone to latch on to me and tell me things are fine ("protectors need protectors"). there is something here im not seeing. has to be. i dont know why else im having this happen.

the only upside to this is the variety of girls. the downside is im in a social purgatory with them all. too punk for the normal ones.....too normal for the punk ones. balance is bullshit in this case.